It seems that I have not discovered

What it means to burn bright

I’ve been extinguished

By the night

I scream, I cry

But these attempts rendered meaningless

Is this all but a dream

I’ve been walking with a ghost

It seems I am but an entity

Simply not there

But then I fight

I grasp hope tight

And start a fire

That burns so bright

Inside

I quickly search for light

Because it can be found in the darkest of times

I come home from school today to find my mom arguing with our neighbor. It just never gets old she always butts into people’s business and never lets up. I sometimes feel that she even forgets to worry about and her family. it was pretty funny though they were arguing about how loud he played music but it’s funny because my mom plays music herself and so wouldn't that make her a hypocrite? I can’t really understand her sometimes. One day she lets me go out and doesn’t care what time I get home. But then there’s times when she calls me every fucking minuet. But as crazy as it sounds, she reminds me of whom I used to be. She gets influenced by people so easily and I hate that. I’m not from Mexico but we went there for vacation 2 summers ago to my mom’s friend’s dad’s house and when we got there my mom’s friends dad was telling m mom how to raise and I felt as if I wanted to kill him. He literary told her that I am very disrespectful and rude when he didn't even know me that well. She starts listening to him and tries what he told her. It was kind of funny though because my aunt couldn’t stop laughing at the fact that he talks about me but never of my high school dropout brother. But I don’t get me wrong I love my mother I wouldn’t be where I am now if it wasn’t for her. And people love her to, we planned an amazing surprise party for her, we had three cakes it was insane. But the one on the right was disgusting because I hate fruit cake. It’s a long story but it happened about three summers ago when I went to the Dominican Republic.

But enough about the cake the one thing that caught my attention was how happy and great that night was. I seen my mom the happiest she has been in a while. She’s always cooped up in our house and never really goes out. But to see that so many people cared about her was good for me. It was a big deal for me because in a year from now I’m thinking of going away for college which is a pretty big deal for me and her. I still haven’t really figured out which college I plan to go to so I am going to stay in a community college for a year so I can earn my associates degree so she’s stuck with me for another year which I can tell she’s happy about. But I don’t think she’s happy about the profession that I have chosen. I want to be a journalist but she wants me to be something that I can make a good living out of. But I know that journalism is a very competitive career but I love it. I’m on my school newspaper and I just love writing about the world and our community.

My moms the one on the right standing up. I’m thinking of telling her on my birthday that I want to travel for a year around India or Europe when I finish college. I’m turning the big 18 coming can’t wait

this year will end in arson for me. i will burn down all of it. all the things that have made the people around me into who they are. they've turned into these little judgmental gremlins that come with instructions and everything. always giving me these looks that make it look like the flesh is going to peel of my bones. but i am not upset. im not upset at all about who my friends have become. some people are just meant to be acquaintance in your life. while others are there forever. im coming off as angry i think but i really am not honestly. im just amazed on what my life has become. about who i have become. i used to be so sensitive and gullible. but now i actually feel like i am my own person and not someone just being told what to do. it feels good. i feel good. i feel like as if i have been born again. but i think that i worry about other people to much. i always want to help someone who feels lonely or sad. it pains me to see people like this. but its normal for me to see these emotions. like Ryan Adams said when your young you get sad.

this man is an amazing artist this album has helped me through breakups and the works. i feel like as if i have left this post unfinished but i dont know what else i should add to it. and i dont want to save it because i know i wont come back to it. these are just some random thoughts going through my head right know. i haven t really figured out where im heading in life but i certainly know where iv been and i never want to go back again. im sort of a cornball when it comes to these things but i love my corniness it something that really defines me.